Oh these girls! Love these girls. I shot Claudia’s newborn photos seen here, and then we did a mini photo shoot with the family seen here a few months ago. These girls are so adorable and photogenic. And their mom rocks. We’re fortunate enough to have them as neighbors on top of it. They chose the Santa Monica Pier as their location for Claudia’s One Year Photos. And big sister Mia just turned 3 as well. So it was a double kids shoot with double the fun in the sun. I had a blast photographing these little girls! You can see more at my photo blog.
I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind and supportive comments on turning 30. Especially you mom, thanks for confirming it’s all downhill from here until I have grandkids. No seriously, I’m doing much better. Monday was kind of depressing but Tuesday was much better. And today we will be painting signs for our lemonade stand which is scheduled for Saturday afternoon. If you know where we live and are in Los Angeles, you are required to come.
Also, I always get a kick out of the posts that cause major spikes in blog readers. Apparently the Little Bean is quite popular.
Enough words. Sorry Wednesday, I’m a rebel.
Little Bean, I have been browsing the internet with you in mind. It’s kind of hard being that you’re the size of a lima bean and nothing will fit you. And the fact that we don’t know if you are a little bean-a or bean-o makes shopping a bit hard. But I have options.
If you happen to be a little boy bean then I will be purchasing these for you.
Or maybe these.
And every boy needs a cape.
And if you happen to be a little girl bean I think these will have to be purchased. I like the pink ones on the right.
and these most definitely.
This dress is up there on the list as well.
My sister’s little bean has spurred lots of conversations that I was hoping to put off for awhile. Way off. But Greta is quite inquisitive. Here’s just one recent conversation we had. In the shower. Together. Mistake numero uno.
Me: (getting a bit uncomfortable so I turn her around and start to shampoo her hair)
Greta: Did I come out of your belly or your pachina?
Me: It’s VA-gina. And yes, that’s where you came out of.
Greta: Why can’t boys have babies in their bellies?
Me: (turning her around once again this time to condition her hair) Because they don’t have uteruses.
Greta: What’s that? Utruss?
Me: Uterus. That’s where the baby grows and lives. That’s where Tati’s little bean is.
Greta: Do girl kids have uteruses? Or just girl adults?
Me: Girl kids have them too, but they’re very small and can’t have a baby in it until they’re grown up.
Greta: Like how grown up?
Me: Like not until you’re married grown up.
Greta: Like 37?
Me: Yes, exactly. Like 37.
To say that turning thirty has been difficult would be an understatement. The dreaded anticipation of it has been hovering over my head like a thunderstorm raincloud for months. In fact turning 29 was pretty hard in itself. The fact that I knew this was it, last year of my 20s was painful. I told the kids Sunday night that the next day was my birthday. This was my last day of my twenties. I told them I should go out and do something crazy like get a tattoo. Sawyer looked at me and told me it had to be a fake one. Nothing real. I told him, nah, a real one! He just looked at me and shook his head. Resigned himself to the fact that his mom is a little nuts.
I always believed, truly, most definitely, that I would never be 30. I know that sounds so juvenile, but I thought I would always BE juvenile! Thirty always seemed so grown up and well, old. And here I am. Grown up. Old. Maybe it’s because my twenties were so full of life, change, and we did quite a bit in those 10 years. Marriage. Lived on the other side of the country. 3 kids. House. Maybe I don’t think that my 30s could be that exciting compared to everything that I did in the last decade. Maybe it’s because each year has gotten better for me, and I fear, this is it, this is the year, this time we peaked and it’s all downhill from here on out.
I actually walked into a few stores 2 days before my birthday, and I told myself. Is this it? Can I no longer shop at these places? Will Hollister and Forever 21 card me??!!! Will the sales people whisper behind my back, “check out that LADY, what is she doing in a store like this?! maybe shopping for her KID!” These things literally ran through my mind and I almost walked up to one of the salespeople to ask them, can i come back? But then of course the other thought floated into my brain. Cougar. You can’t just walk up to these boys and ask them a question. They’ll think you’re a COUGAR! The tragedy. Thirty.
Thirty. Thirty. I can’t stop saying it. I have had countless conversations with different people, just checking that I’m not alone in thinking that this cannot be. I don’t FEEL that old. And each time they all have agreed. Nodded their head. And pitied me that I am just realizing the deck of cards we’ve all been handed. Except for Aaron. He thought he was an entire year older last year. So when it was his birthday last month he was so excited, he got a bonus year. And he says he feels 43. All the time. Says he can’t wait to be an old man so he can be cranky and say anything he wants. Um, babe. You’re there.
I feel a big sadness because my youth is gone. I know a lot of people still think 30 is young. But you only say that when you’re older than 30. It’s not young. It’s not youthful. It’s actually middle aged. Sure, the whole dating saga is over. Not that it was a very long saga. More like a 1st grade chapter book. The whole wedding planning, learning to live with a boy, lamaze class, sleepless newborn nights, potty training, teaching the alphabet is over. But I was good at all that stuff. I was good in the chaos and the vomit in my hair and the baby food pureeing. And I’m not really sure what’s next for us in this chapter. Or for me.
I think my twenties most definitely were different for me than for most everyone else. It wasn’t a time of self discovery and figuring out who I was, or what I wanted to do, or where I wanted to travel. It was more like, here, this is who you are now. Make the best of it. And I think I rocked at making the best of it. And I became everything I needed to be at that time. And in the end, that’s the exact person I wanted to be. A wife and a mother. And I don’t think I could be better doing anything else. I don’t think I missed out on anything. And maybe I did, but I don’t long to find out what that was.
So here I sit. Thirty. Yes, I am in the best health of my life. But that’s not saying much considering the last 10 years I was either pregnant or breastfeeding. I’m at a place where I am aware of my flaws and weaknesses and want very much to better myself. Maybe that’s it. My thirties will be bettering the person I am. Better mom, better wife, better sister, better daughter, better friend. A better Deborah. Maybe someone who learns to garden. Maybe someone who isn’t stingy on her I Love Yous. Maybe someone who doesn’t let the amount of laundry affect her mood. Maybe someone who goes to bed early(ier). Maybe someone who accepts that she’s no longer in her twenties and thinks that she’ll still be okay.
Hello thirty. It’s nice to meet you. Be kind please.
Finally I have my head around straight and can blog about our trip to New York. We haven’t left the kids for more than 2 nights ever. And never farther than driving distance. I went to New York in January alone, but since Aaron was here with them and it still was for 48 hours, it really doesn’t count. I was surprisingly less nervous this time around than in January. I cried for days before I left. But this time I was totally fine. I knew they were in capable hands. And I figured the ones who were going to have the hardest time were my parents. They were troopers however and made our 10 year anniversary wonderful. Getting the chance to be with just Aaron and revisit where we kindled our relationship and lived the first year of our married life. It was priceless.
This time I was very good about taking my drugs and passing out on the plane. I awoke with just enough time to squeeze in a movie and then we landed. We checked into our hotel, The Standard, showered, got cleaned up and then decided to walk around and grab dinner. It was about 11pm by this point and you know what? We didn’t care!!! There was no clock or time keeping at all. We just slept when we wanted, ate when we wanted, and it was joyous! The area we stayed in, Chelsea was fantastic, and wow has it changed in the last 9 years. It was so alive and full of people. We ate pizza at Gaslamp Pizzeria and just walked and walked. Then we stopped for cocktails and dessert at Fig & Olive. Such a neat place. I don’t think we disliked a single meal the entire time we were in New York.
You got a glimpse of our hotel room a few weeks back in my Wordless Wednesday. Sorry to disappoint all of you but Aaron didn’t take the picture. He was out grabbing us some bagels and I used my trusty purse as a tripod and the ‘ol self timer. I had envisioned that photo from the moment we walked into our hotel room. And I don’t think Aaron knew I took the photo until the pictures were uploaded to our computer once we got back. The Standard is a very trendy and cool hotel. Kinda too awesome for Aaron and I. I consider myself mildly fun and hip, but let me tell you, I was out of my element! It is styled just perfect. The color scheme is black, white, grey, and yellow. The roof top bar, oh my. I will have to do a separate post solely of the rooftop bar. A M A Z I N G. And everyone who works there is hot. I think it’s a prerequisite to getting a job there.
The first morning was our day to ourselves where we got lattes, walked up 5th Avenue all the way from Chelsea to FAO Schwartz, got the kids their presents, hit the NBA store for Gunnar, shopped and walked a ton.
We hit Grand Central Station for lunch at Cipriani Dolci. Awesome. Delicious. We refueled and the walked and shopped some more.
I am so jealous of anyone who gets to photograph in New York City. The backdrops and textures are everywhere! I would never be at a loss of where to photograph if I lived there.
We stopped at this amazing vintage shop. I have never seen so much selection in my life!
That evening we met up with our very good friends, Dave and Rachel at Convivio, for a fantastic dinner. I HIGHLY recommend this place, then went to see Wicked. Amazing. I’m using that word a lot huh?
Well, it was amazing. That’s why I’m saying that so much! I don’t have photos other than on my iphone from this night, but I have pics from the rest of our trip that I will do in a separate post.
I had a lovely session with this family of 3, soon to be 4, a few weeks ago. We spoke on the phone several times before we actually met the day of the shoot. They chose the setting, Kenneth Hahn State Park, which although I grew up in Los Angeles, I have never been! And it’s literally 10 minutes from my house. Crazy. We definitely will be returning there to enjoy it with my own family.
The shoot was off to a rough start when little Sophia got a bee sting on the bottom of her foot within 20 minutes of starting. But we pushed through and it turned into a lovely glimpse into this little family’s life and love. Enjoy. You can see more on my photo blog here.
By the way, it’s only been a day of real summer and I’m tired. My kids didn’t get the memo that they could sleep in. And then I came downstairs and fortunately all of them had foraged and had a Zone Bar for breakfast, and I discovered their masterpiece on the back porch where they were coloring in every single brick with chalk. Every. Single. Brick. Just then two guys showed up to rip up half of our backyard. All this while I’m trying to figure out what to do with the kids covered in chalk, and I’m still in my pajamas. Then I have my pregnant sister come over for a facial and poor thing, not feeling good today. Fed kids lunch. Then I escaped for an entire hour while my mom babysit just so I could be tortured during pilates because she upped all my weights since I’m “advanced” now. Great. Came home just in time to get the kids ready for swim lessons. Took them to swim lessons and I had to make sure all 3 of them were in 3 separate areas for testing, not easy. Once they all got tested and were put in their classes I get to walk back and forth letting them all know that I am watching how great they are doing. Then bundle them up with towels, give them all high 5′s, hear all about their teachers names and what they did, drive up to my moms. The kids then hop into her jacuzzi for some more swim time while I spent an entire hour picking blueberries off my mom’s plants. I filled humongous bags with blueberries, there was an insane amount to pick. Had family dinner up there. Came home, put kids to sleep and now am meeting various craigslisters who want to pick up the grasscrete blocks that were just dug up today. I had to actually take them off of craigslist 10 minutes after I listed them because of all the emails I was getting. People like free stuff. Especially when the free stuff is expensive. But these people need to realize each block is 60-80 pounds, so your Prius is not going to hold very many. See. Tired.
Back to the festival, in May our school puts on an International Festival on a Saturday. This goes hand in hand with the Parade of Nations that the kids dressed up for and walked around the track debuting their costumes. The International Festival is where each class puts on their booth of their assigned country and each booth has games or food, there’s rides and music. It’s lots of fun. Anyways, I am super sorry for this being so old, but I need to post it otherwise it never gets in my blog book.
i got nothing set up in the queue for tomorrow’s post and i can’t see that happening this evening. it has been the launch of summer for us and it has been the most kid activity filled weekend that we’ve ever had. or one that i haven’t blocked from my memory maybe.
friday was sawyer’s kindergarten culmination. i was a bit emotional with the last song. it was frank sinatra’s “start spreading the news” but instead of the usual lines it was “we’re leaving todayyyyyy, we’re gonna be a part of it, FIRST GRADE! FIRST GRADE!” That one got me for sure. But I held it together. That afternoon was Greta’s dress rehearsal for her tap recital. Her first big recital I might add. When she was 2 years old, her ballet class had a little mini recital in a large room, but this time it was on a stage in a huge school auditorium. We’re talking lipstick, blush, costume, the whole nine yards. She did the rehearsal and again I was a bit emotional.
saturday was sawyer’s final class party with his kindergarten teacher and class. 3 hours of fun in a family’s backyard with pizza and a humongous bouncer. saturday night was family movie night. aaron and i never saw Where the Wild Things Are so that’s what we chose. the boys had already seen it with my dad in the theater. what a powerful movie. kinda sad and depressing, which is what i had heard, and it is true. but wow, very moving. greta was a bit scared during some parts so she would come in and out of the room often. but it opened up some conversations about loneliness, anger, tempers, etc. which was very good to talk about. what a sad movie. but i have to say, it was good.
sunday. today was greta’s real recital. and let me tell you, she got on that stage, her class is the littlest and youngest bunch, and they marched out in front of hundreds of people, and did her routine. my sister and i cried during the very first dance where we didn’t know a single kid! but seriously, the little ones, stole my heart. and that my friend, is the reason i had a daughter. i’m serious. it was beyond any cuteness i have ever seen in all my life. i did feel a tad like jon benet ramsey’s mother, but i got over that fact. the tights, the sparkles, the bow, the curls, the tap shoes. i know what my mom missed out on with me. sorry mom. i walked out of my first ballet class and never returned. greta however, won’t be giving this up for a long while. and then wait! there’s more. this afternoon we went to our little friend’s preschool graduation party at a nature center in burbank. such a great place where the kids held tarantulas and pet snakes and then went on a nature hike. needless to say, i am falling asleep as i type this. . . .
pics of all these things to come. promise. but it may take me awhile to recover.