Today I am no longer the parent of a 4 year old. My Sawyer, you turn five today. I honestly cannot believe that you are about to enter kindergarten. I say this each year, but each year it holds more and more truth to it. You amaze me. every. single. day. And yet some things are still the same and I savor it being the same from the previous year. Such things as you still pronounce chocolate, “chot-lick”. Your laugh is still infectious. No one can hear you giggle your deep throated giggle without at least a smile, let alone a chuckle.
You got glasses again this year and are doing fantastic with them. Nothing can slow you down. Not glasses. Nothing. You have been reading for so long that I look at your sister Greta in amazement that you were reading at her age. You can’t wait to join your brother at his school. You are so ready to take it on.
You are a middle child. But not in one thing are you a middle of the road kind of kid. You love the edges, you love the walls, the heights, you love the back side, the opposite, the life of everything.
I decided to list my most 5 favorite things about you at this moment, since of course, you’re five.
1. You are so tender and caring, whenever daddy or I are sick you insist on writing us “get well” cards. In fact, at your five year checkup last week you had to get a few shots and you were so sad when you got home because there were no “get well” or “i’m sorry” cards waiting for you. That had to be quickly remedied. A doctor’s visit with no cards!?
2. You love to be with your brother and sister. Recently you spent the night with Nanni alone, and you told her how sad you were because you didn’t have them with you. Who would you play with? It’s just not as fun.
3. Your favorite thing to create right now involves scotch tape and paper, sometimes foil. You just love to sit and create things, it could be a ball that sticks to the wall when you throw it, or a 3-D card where something pops up when you open it. Your creativity surprises and inspires me every day.
4. You are not stingy with your love. You never hold back from telling me that you love me. You never hold back kisses or hugs or love.
5. You just asked your daddy if he’ll still call you “little guy” when you are five. He said yes. And you were very relieved.
I love you more each day because I love exploring the world with you by my side. Nothing is the same when I am not with you. I don’t feel as much or see the colors the same. I don’t hear the sounds that you hear unless I’m with you. No one’s kisses are as pure or true than the ones you give me. And I hope you know that each ‘I love you’, each hug, each kiss I give you in return pales in comparison to what is in my heart.
You will always be the son who made me into the mom I am today. You are the boy that makes me feel like a mama. Maybe it’s how you say my name. Maybe it’s because I was really young when I became a mom for the first time with your brother. And I truly didn’t feel like a mother until I had both of you. But you have given me the inspiration and the motivation to be the mama that you need. Which just so happens to be the mama that I want to be for you. How perfect it is.