The evening started excellent. I had made a crockpot stew and was quite proud of myself for acting so domestic. After the kids were in bed Aaron walked Lola over to Trader Joe’s. Sometimes he surprises me with a treat from Winchell’s because I have a very soft spot for donuts. Aaron gets quite frustrated when they are sold out of my standard because he gets flustered and doesn’t know what I would pick as a backup. He walked in with a Winchell’s bag and he read the disappointment on my face when I peeked inside. Although I am a HUGE fan of chocolate covered almonds, and nuts and chews from See’s candies, I am not such a fan of nuts sprinkled on my donut. In fact, if they aren’t sprinkles, don’t put them on my donut. Don’t put coconut. Don’t put nuts. Don’t put glaze. I won’t like it.
So I told him not to worry in a very cheerful voice, I would put it in a baggie and the kids could share it tomorrow for a treat. I proceeded to go back to my domestic duty of folding laundry and catching up on my DVR. I figured Aaron was tweeting or checking out the latest book available on Audible.com that I would despise. We embrace technology in this household, so of course my iPhone was closeby. I logged onto facebook and discovered Aaron had just whipped up a batch of cheese biscuits from scratch. I love finding out what my husband is up to along with everyone else.
Another thing I don’t like mixed together, cheese and biscuits. I don’t like anything on my biscuit but butter. No cheese. No gravy. No meat or biscuit sandwich. No egg. I figured he was making them for the kids’ breakfast the next morning. About 10 minutes later he proudly walked into the living room with a paper plate and 2 cheese biscuits on it. I should also share that it was 10:47pm at night. I am known to be a late night snacker, but usually past 10:15pm is too late, even for me. I’m more of a 9:45-10:15pm snacker. I looked at him and smiled showing my nightguard and retainer already in place, illustrating I had already brushed my teeth. And then I kindly, and I mean kindly told him “sweetie I don’t like cheese in my biscuits”. He glared at me with such intensity and hatred. He saw my iPhone next to me on the couch and put 2 and 2 together and realized I had read what he posted. I guess he assumed I would just try the biscuits and not notice the cheese and then he would be responsible for forever changing my mind about cheese and biscuits. Then he looked at me, and raised his eyebrows high like he does when he gets very worked up about something and said, “IF YOU DON’T TRY THE BISCUIT I WILL DIVORCE YOU.” Can you believe that?
I didn’t know whether to slap him or laugh. Really? Divorce over a cheese biscuit? He really doesn’t like me bringing up the fact that he’s known me for 12 years and when have I ever put a cheese biscuit into my mouth? I looked at him in disbelief and for a brief second thought he may pry my mouth open and shove the cheese biscuit into it. But instead he just stood there and loudly slammed the paper plate on the coffee table. Okay, maybe not LOUDLY, but angrily slammed the paper plate down. I looked and him and then all I could get out was, “are you serious? I don’t like cheese biscuits AARON.”
About an hour later I crawled in bed and fortunately he had seen the error of his ways. I told him I really didn’t think refraining from eating cheese biscuits is a valid or scriptural reason for divorce. Of course he tried to play it off that he was joking the whole time. Didn’t I hear the humor in his voice?
Nope. I. Didn’t.
And just so everyone knows, the next day I did try a cheese biscuit. And they’re gross.